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Each person must learn the art of genuine communication. It requires instruction and application to do well. Communicating authentically means being honest, open and thoughtful in what you say – and in how you listen and respond to what you hear. This tool describes four skills that will help leaders communicate authentically.

Speak From Your Own Viewpoint

The best leaders share their opinions frankly. They do not try to conceal their concerns. One good way is to personalize your comments, taking responsibility for your positions, opinions and values, rather than offering generalizations or blaming others or outside forces. Say, “I feel disappointed about our progress,” rather than, “This group is the pits.”

This method lowers the defenses of your hearers by not deflecting blame away from yourself. Nobody can assert that you are not concerned or that you are more hopeful that you are willing to show. “I would like us to begin promptly at nine” is clear; “You’re late again! You delay us at every meeting” will certainly elicit a defensive response.

Another way people hide their real positions is by burying them in questions. “Are you planning to make that statement in public?” is an attack, not a question. “I would rather you would not say that when we make our presentation” is also a negative comment, but at least you are directly acknowledging that this is your view, not an absolute judgment.

Does it feel like fault-finding? It’s not really. The major difference is in the kind of response you seek to evoke from your listeners.

Adjust Your Communication Style

Everyone has natural communication style. The styles of communication can be empirically broken down into four classes: Directors, Expressers, Thinkers, and Harmonizers. The Straight Talk® communication survey will help you to discover your communication style, as well as the styles of others. You will also find pointers to help make your communication more effective and well-balanced.

When you know your communication style, you will be able to tell what strategies will let you communicate into someone’s “listening space.” Directors, for example, want information in quick, bottom line bullet points. Expressers want a more complete exploration of the various thoughts and proposals. Thinkers want to know the reasoning the underlies a proposal. And Harmonizers want to know how any plan will affect people.

The most effective communicators tailor their style to fit their audience. By adjusting their tone to fit their audience, they help those listening feel at ease and make them more responsive to the message being delivered.. This helps them be more effective leaders and managers. As needed, they also make overt reference to differences in style to defuse tension and resolve conflicts between styles. This does a great deal to build trust.

Use Powerful Listening

Powerful listening is an active skill. A good listener concentrates not just on words, but on understanding the underlying point of view of the other person. Powerful listeners focus on subtle tones, facial expressions and context, and then respond in a way that demonstrates they have heard the speaker’s meaning as well as the words. They listen to understand, not just to figure out how they’re going to make their argument.

One way to be sure you understand exactly what the speaker means, and to communicate your understanding, is by reflecting back to the speaker what you believe he or she is saying. Paraphrasing does not mean just parroting their words. It means reiterating the speaker’s points without simply repeating his or her words and taking account of the physical signals and tone of voice employed.

Typical lead-in phrases for paraphrasing are “It sounds like . . .or “I can see that . . .” Paraphrasing is the best way to give an encouraging reply in spite of the fact that you don’t agree. Being able to express the speaker’s position clearly says to the speaker that, even though you disagree with the position, you value him or her enough to listen carefully.

Paraphrasing lets the speaker make his or her position clearer, as well. He could say: “That’s right..” Or he may respond: “You know, let me clarify a bit.” That sets the stage for a deeper conversation – one in which you can play the role of facilitator.

Remember that 60 percent of communication is non-verbal. That is, if you only listen to a speaker’s words, you disregard more than half of the conversation.

It’s not enough to listen; you also must show that you are listening. Maintain eye contact, lean forward, nod, vocalize agreement when appropriate by saying, “I see,” “Um hmm”; take notes if that is appropriate. Do not wave at passers-by, lean back with your arms crossed, watch the TV, wear sun glasses, pay attention to external events, or look at your watch. Instead, teach yourself to focus entirely on the communication at hand.

Make Your Communication Data-Driven

Data-driven communication requires that you do two things:

First, you put your own assumptions on the table. “I assume that we’re going to experience the same downturn in the economy everyone else in our industry is experiencing.”

Next, you seek out missing facts. You ask: “Does anyone have any data that would help me clarify my assumptions?”

When your communication is data-driven, you seek to bring other people’s assumptions and concerns into the conversation. You ask: “Help me understand your thinking. What are you assuming will happen?”

When you’re data-driven, you make sure you bring issues to the table. If there’s a relevant conversation in the hallway, you raise it in front of everyone. If you are feeling uncomfortable or confused, you tell those you are with (if you feel that way, others probably do, as well). If there’s an issue you feel you can’t raise without suffering some grave consequence, you consult the chair or someone else in a position to help you develop a strategy.

Data-driven communicators deal in specifics and use definite examples to help everyone reach a common understanding of the situation. You don’t become trapped by generalizations; you bring in concrete examples to help your hearers see whether you are referring to a 2% rise in expenditures or a 20% rise.

Finally, while practicing data-driven communication, you maintain your humility. You start from the assumption that you don’t have a perfect view of every situation. You solicit other people’s opinions. You recognize that people can be misled by the “assumption of competence.” You appreciate that people who assume they are competent are usually the least competent among us.

A significant body of research shows that “the assumption of competence” is highest among those who are least competent in a variety of activities.

Did you find this information useful? Looking for more concrete illustrations and example cases? Obtain your copy of Eric Douglas’s new leadership book for Leading at Light Speed. This is an indispensable guide for leaders and leading organizations who want to build trust, spark innovation, and create a high-performing organization.